yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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