So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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