Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
