I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
