I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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