Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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