Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
