I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
