so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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