I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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