He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
