The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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