I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize