Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize