my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
