Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
