NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
