eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
