I just cut my nipple shaving
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
