Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
