There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
