I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
