Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
