my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
