So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Drake has all the answers
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
