I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
