my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
