do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
