i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
