September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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