i think my tv is drunk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
