matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
