the day after is always just damage control
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drunk is not a location!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
