I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
