I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
