No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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