Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
