I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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