I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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