is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize