how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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