What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This house was built for laser tag.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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