Where is the hickey?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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