I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
