Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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