Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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