That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
