I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
