i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
