No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
