She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
