i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
