but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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