There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
