When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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