i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
