well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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