Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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