Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
