someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
