Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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