I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
