never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize