the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
