I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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