I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
