There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize