Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
