she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
